Half Way Mark!

Here I am this morning - 20 weeks Baby! We get to find out what we are having on Saturday! Cannot wait!!!

Baby #2

I knew I was growing but I really just thought I still looked fat.....here I am today!

Heartbeat!!!

I went to my first Midwife appointment on Tuesday, among many things that I am so happy with going to a Midwife instead of an OBGYN, they were able to find our baby's heartbeat! It was such a joyful time...not that my face reflects that, but she was pushing on my stomach pretty hard, so I was trying to deal with that. Below is the video, enjoy!

Oh the Excitement!

I know it's only been what....3 years since I was pregnant with Lindsay, but once you give birth you almost forget about all the waiting and excitement that comes with expecting! This time around I found out really early, well for me really early. I didn't find out I was pregnant with my first until I was almost 7 weeks pregnant, and same thing with Lindsay, so 5 weeks 3 days is really early for me! Which is cool, but it's also made the first trimester feel like it's taking FOREVER to get through! I've known I'm pregnant for 5 weeks, and in my previous pregnancies that meant I was done with the first trimester....but I still have 2 weeks left! Oh well, I just have to enjoy each stage as it comes.

There are so many things to be excited about right now.

1. My first real doctor's appointment is on Tuesday! Hopefully we'll be able to hear little baby's heartbeat :) Unfortunately Jimmy will be out of town :( So I'm having my dear friend Meghan Esau come with me to record the heart beat for him.

2. We are moving! Although this is really exciting for all the possibilities that come with moving, it's also a little stressful. We are substantially down grading (4 bedroom 2 bath to a 2 bedroom 1 bath)! But that's good because we have too much junk just laying around. So it'll give us a chance to detox before the baby arrives and adds to the mess!

3. Jimmy starts school this next week! He leaves for Freshman Orientation as an instructor for ND ROTC on Sunday - hence why he'll be out of town for the Dr. Appointment. He is so excited to get back to school and ROTC, he's been cooped up because of his surgery almost all summer.

4. We got a really adorable "princess" bed for Lindsay - for free! And we are so excited to set it up in her new room and see how she enjoys it. It's got the four posts and the canopy over top!

5. My Mom and Chuck are moving here in a few months (hopefully)! I cannot be more excited about this. I know they are making great sacrifices to do it, but I think (or I hope) they will say it was all worth it! I cannot wait for Lindsay to have more Grandma and PopPop time and for them to be here for the birth of their 5th grandchild! Not to mention I'll get more time with Mom :) which I'm always grateful for!

6. Lindsay is using more and more words, which is great, but can also be a lot of discipline too because she is lying or talking back. I just pray everyday that God will give me the wisdom to deal with it correctly and to find a good balance.

7. I have joined this amazing support group on BabyZone.com. I am having so much fun measuring my belly every week with TP and seeing how much each of us have grown. And I'm enjoying being able to pray for other women due at the same time I am. What an amazing opportunity.

I just can't be more excited about God's timing! Although having two children under the age of 5 while Jimmy is trying to finish up college is going to be challenging, it will be a fun ride! And we'll always look back at this time and say, "If we could do it then...." We are creating memories everyday and I'm so thankful for that.

So thanks for reading, I hope you have a wonderful Friday the 13th! And that you have some excitement and joy in your life too!

It's Happening Again!

I love how God operates.

It wasn't even 2 months ago that Jimmy and I totally came to grips with Lindsay as our only child and here we are starting another journey of pregnancy! I am just so full of joy, shock, and amazement.

We went on a family vacation to see family! It was a great week and half of relaxation, lots of driving, and hours of memories with family we don't see. I am so grateful for the week we were able to spend with the Ridgleys, meeting my niece for the first time, and being able to feel my nephew move! What a great great time! Then we drove up to Port Huron, Michigan to see Jimmy's extended family. We had a great time visiting with them, sinking the paddle boat, and buying cute stuff at the flea market. By the time we came home I was exhausted!

On Thursday, July 8th, we were in Dollar General getting some more wipes for Lindsay and my stomach started to turn. Just for the heck of it we purchased a home pregnancy test and went home. Well I went to the bathroom and did my thing and it showed positive! Holy Cow! I was beaming, all I could muster out was, "Jimmy! You better come here!" We went to Women's Care Center on Friday, 7/9 and had them medically test for pregnancy and it came back POSITIVE! Yahoo!

We are totally beside ourselves, over joyed, and extremely happy! The Women's Care Center gave me a due date of March 10, 2011, which makes me 5 weeks 4 days pregnant! We are planning on having a Midwife for this pregnancy and are attending a "Meet and Greet" for the Midwives of Michiana tomorrow! I really want a water birth for this baby and am excited to find out more about it.

Lindsay is so excited to be a big sister. She says hi to the baby everyday and kisses it Good Morning and Good Night! She thinks now that everyone in our family has a baby in their belly, so she tries to kiss Daddy's baby and her baby night night too! It's too cute.

Jimmy is excited beyond words. He can't wait for March to get here already! However, he thinks that going to school will make the time fly by.

I'm only have nausea right now, and very tired spells. So I think I've been pretty lucky so far, Jimmy thinks that means it's a boy! Oh boy! haha I'm just waiting until next week, then I'll probably be sick!

The songs that are constantly in my head right now are:

Oh Happy Day!
Our God

Enjoy your day, I know I am!

Listening....

This week I've been amazed at how God has been talking to me. Okay so I have to be honest, I feel like my life is a never ending cycle of disappointment and busy-ness, therefore I don't take the time to sit down and read my Bible like I was so determined to do this year. So I've been surrounding myself with other medias to receive God's Word during the day.

I started to listen to Smart Talk 1270 about 3 weeks ago, just strictly for the Dave Ramsey Show but I've started to keep it on in the mornings before he comes on. During the 9:00 hour they play a program called Revive our Hearts, it's been very insightful this week. They've been running a series called What Your Husband Wishes You Knew About Being His Wife by Bob Lepine. I've really been convicted by the messages this week. The one they played on Tuesday was all about being your husband's cheerleader. That you should always encourage and uplift your husband....which I have not done over the last 2 years. I've been very close minded and selfish. Lately I've been comparing our current relationship to how it was in California, specifically when we lived in our second apartment for the year after Jimmy came back from deployment. I realized yesterday that I look back at that year as our "wonder year" because it was the year we both were excited about what we were doing outside the home, therefore we were excited to come home and share what happened. We were pretty financially set so we could just leave for the weekend and go to Vegas or San Diego if we wanted to, we were happy. And I think I didn't have to work to be a cheerleader, it was just natural. However, marriage isn't all just "happy" moments, it's not full of "wonder years" and I need to appreciate the hard times just as much as the "easy" times because it's during the hard times we learn to lean on each other and God more.

So I've decided to take the 30-day True Woman make over to better my relationship with God and my husband. I'm also hoping that it will help me appreciate my life, my family, and my circumstances more.

So Yes God I am listening.....and now I'm acting!

Lindsay Saying

I love that Lindsay is starting to talk and say things without being prompted. Here is a recent tale!

We got a puppy from the pound back in December. We thought he was a Golden Retriever, he was very pretty....

however, now that he's grown a little (okay A LOT) he's started to push Lindsay around.

We've been telling Lindsay she needs to stand up to Champ and show him who is boss! Here is the conversation she had with him the other day.....

I brought home a hat from work for Lindsay to play with. She took it outside in the backyard to play. A few minutes later she came inside without the hat to see what I was up to. I was doing the dishes and not paying attention to what was happening outside.

Lindsay yells, "Mommie, my haaaat, Mommie my haaat!"

Thinking the hat was just outside the door I gave her permission to go get the hat. I looked up to see her running across the yard to Champ, then I saw her hat was in his mouth! Lindsay was almost to Champ when I stepped out the back door and yelled at Champ, "Leave it!" Lindsay bent down and took the hat out of Champ's mouth....put it on her head....took two steps back. With one hand on her hip and the other pointed to her hat this is what she said:

"Puppy, No no no no, my hat, bad Puppy, bad Puppy. It's no no, my hat!"

And with that she was off! :)

Learning Moments

Have you ever had a moment when you realized that you weren't doing as great of a job at something as you thought you were? I'm stumbling upon that right now. I thought I was doing such a good job of teaching and guiding my daughter, and I've realized lately (really the last two days) that I've just been coasting through her life. I haven't been spending the time teaching her life lessons or how to act in situations. I've been lucky that she is naturally well-behaved, well I guess I've trained her a little in that area, but I haven't spent the time I should teaching her.

It's just been laying heavy on my heart lately. I've been spending so much time worrying about "me time" that I haven't been taking advantage of the "mommy/daughter" time that I so cherish. My new To-Do list:

1. Spend Quality Time with God.
2. Spend Quality Time with Lindsay, teaching her "life lessons" instead of putting on Puppies!
3. Re-enforce the good that my husband does, remind him that he is a crucial part to this family and that we appreciate everything that he does.
4. Have Lindsay help me outside....there's two reasons for that:
1) The yard needs picking up and flowers need to be planted.
2) Lindsay LOVES to be outside and run around (and it makes for pretty good nap times!)
5. Make Dinner :)

I hope you have a blessed day.
~Lauren

Growing Up!

My Little Lady is going to be 7 months old on Christmas?! What?! Can you believe it? It's crazy. Along with turning 7 months...she is standing on her own, well pulling herself up and hanging on to things standing. She just started crawling forward, she's mastered backwards crawling!

I can't believe that she is already doing these things, but I knew they were coming. She's been working really hard at doing them. However, she has yet to get a tooth....kinda crazy since she has been chewing on EVERYTHING for the last 2 months. But she'll have teeth for the rest of her life, she doesn't need them right now!

Here's Lindsay standing last night....she's such a little poser. She's been throwing her head back and smiling for the last 2 days....CRACKS me up! :)

Half A Year

So today is the day. Well okay not THE DAY, but 6 months ago today I was pushing my daughter out! I can't believe it. Lindsay has been around for half a year already! It's just flown by. Actually this whole year has flown by, which given everything that has happened this year, I'm glad it's flown by.

Lindsay went to the doctor's office on Friday. She weighs 17 lbs and is 27 inches long. She is in the 80th percentile for both height and weight. So I've got a good sized baby, we think she's going to be tall....just my luck, all my kids will be taller than me by 6th grade! :) After her doctor's appointment on Friday she got sick. She's all stuffed up and can't breath :(.

We leave for Grandma Helen's in the morning. The last time we were there was in January, when Mary died. It's been almost a year, CRAZY!!! So I hope this weekend won't bring up all those feelings and we'll be able to enjoy our time.

Regret and Forgiveness

Mistakes. People make them, and others don't understand. When do people think it's okay to pass judgement or expect people to not make mistakes? The only perfect person that has ever lived was Jesus Christ. Beyond that people make mistakes.

I am troubled with a situation. A friend of mine came to me with a problem, she also told a few others, who didn't react the way she thought they would. Some people believe that you shouldn't give blanket forgiveness in fear of it looking like acceptance.

I would like to bring in exhibit A. If you read 2 Samuel you will come across the story of David and Bathsheba. When David committed the crime of adultery he wanted to cover it up, and then when he couldn't he had the husband of Bathsheba killed so he could take her as his wife. Although David made this mistake he is still looked at as the most spiritual/Godly person in the Old Testament. My point is, when David first committed the sin, he wasn't sorry for it. It wasn't until later when he had to face the consequences of his actions was he repetitive for his sin.

So I close this post with this....I cannot pass judgment on this situation because I've been there. And at this point in the game, I didn't fully understand the consequences of my sin, but later I did and I repented. Therefore I will be here for my friend and I will listen and encourage until she is at a point to understand the consequences. And then I will be there when she needs to repent and move on. I encourage others to do the same. I don't approve of the sin, nor do I accept it as being okay, but I will give forgiveness to someone that needs it and needs God guidance at this time.

Okay so I never continued my story from before......

In September of 2007 all of our decisions changed. On September 7th we found out that one of our good buddies, Bryan Scripsick, was killed in Iraq. This was the first person that we knew personally to die over there, it tore us up. So we drove 22 hours straight to get to his funeral in Pauls Valley, OK. During the drive I was very sleepy and not feeling well, but I was mourning the loss of a great friend so that would explain everything, right?! After the funeral we spent some time with Bryan's family and our friends which helped us all. On the way back we stopped in New Mexico and spent some down time with Jimmy's Aunt and Uncle, it was a great time of healing. When we got back I went back to work, however I was still exhausted and just not feeling well. On Saturday, September 22nd I was at work and talking to my boss in my office. She was talking and I fell asleep! I know, great way to impress the boss and secure your job right?! Well we decided that I should go home. When I got home I went to my neighbor's house and she convinced me to do a pregnancy test. I "knew" that it was going to come back negative so I really didn't want to do it, but I went home, grabbed just the test from our master bathroom, walked across the apartment to the guest bath and peed on the darn stick.

Now our apartment was a two bedroom, two bath apartment with the living room, kitchen, and eating area in between the bedrooms. Jimmy was on the couch in the living room watching his Wolverines beat Penn State while I was in the guest bathroom taking the test (which I told him nothing about!). Done peeing and a line shows up across the test (great told you I wasn't pregnant), the second line shows up in the second pane to tell you that the test is working, (yep still not pregnant), washed my hands, a second line shows up on the first pane, now there is a plus sign (WAIT....WHAT!!!! A PLUS SIGN! NO WAY!!! (heart is racing) I must have read the box wrong, I have to double check). I ran across the apartment into our bathroom and re-read the instructions three times. "If a plus sign appears, even a faint one, you're pregnant." (Okay, I have to check the test again, it hasn't been the full three minutes, I have to double check) I ran back across the apartment, by now Jimmy is wondering what I'm doing. I looked at the test, there is a bold plus sign (NO FREAKING WAY!!!!). I ran out to the living room, jumping up and down, crying, I yelled to Jimmy, "WE'RE PREGNANT!!!!"

Okay so have you seen The Notebook? Remember when he picks up the girl and kisses her and they twirl around, that's what the Morris' living room looked like, minus the rain. We cried and laughed and hugged and kissed. It was great. A few days later we decided that we would not re-enlist and that we would move back to Indiana.

That's how we ended up here. In November we moved back and then it felt like our whole lives fell apart. Our house was not ready for our arrival, we got in a huge fight with Jimmy's Mom, the family was split. Then just after the New Year we made up, we were starting to reconnect as a family until that terrible day. Saturday, January 19, 2008 our world came crashing down. I kidnapped Jimmy for the weekend, just because we needed at least one last weekend of just us before Lindsay came. I took him up north to his Grandma's house and then to the Notre Dame vs. Michigan hockey game at Joe Louis Arena in Detroit on Saturday. We started driving to the game and I called Jourdan to see how the day was going for her, see it was Snowball that night and Jourdan was going, so she should have been getting ready. She didn't answer her phone. Okay Jourdan is never without her phone, if you need to get a hold of her just call her cell, she always has it. So I thought something was wrong when she didn't answer, but Jimmy said she was probably just getting her hair done, to not worry about it. We enjoyed the game, ND lost :(, and went out to the car. It was around 11pm, maybe a little before I can't remember for sure. I had 9 missed calls on my phone from Jimmy's Dad. Jimmy had a few missed calls too, but from a couple of people. Jimmy called his Dad and then started sobbing and had outbursts of pain. I took the phone from Jimmy and learned what happened.

Mary, Jourdan, and Jourdan's friend Kara were on their way back up to South Bend from Indianapolis and were hit head-on. Mary died instantly, Jourdan and Kara were airlifted to the Fort Wayne hospital in critical condition. I had to get my husband to Fort Wayne as soon as possible so he could see his sister. So I drove 5 hours straight down to Fort Wayne through the middle of the night. We made it just fine.

Well we are still working on getting over/through that. On May 25th I gave birth to our first daughter. She came in at 8 lbs 6 oz and 20 inches long, she was born at 3:03pm. Her name is Lindsay Abigail Morris. She is a joy!

Life's Lessons

The older I get, the younger I seem to be to the rest of the world. Not that I'm complaining that people don't see how old and battered I really am, but it gets a little tiresome when life has taught you alot already and people don't want to see your maturity because of how "young" you look.

I was a mother at 18, I know that doesn't seem too young, but I wasn't ready. I was barely out of the house, still at college, trying to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. :) I moved across country to clear my mind and to handle my problems. Sure, some might think I was running away from my problems, but that wasn't the case. Infact I was running towards my solution. After months of prayer and deep soul searching, I realized I wasn't old enough, nor in the position to handle raising a child. I didn't want a life of struggle for my child, I didn't want my child to suffer because of my immaturity. I was 15 weeks along when I decided to give my child a better life, and chose his adoptive parents. I went through the rest of my pregnancy knowing that the child I was carrying was going to have a better life than what I could have provided it at the time. I had a peace about the situation. Our God is amazing, he really has a plan for everything, he carried me throughout my pregnancy and the emotions afterwards.

During my pregnancy, God brought my husband back into my life. We went to middle school and high school together and always knew each other from a distance. We both happened to be living in California at the time. Isn't it amazing how God works?! From Indiana to California, and then we fall in love! :) We got married in February of 2005, when I was only 19 and he was 20 by the way, and we've had a great relationship ever since. I've learned that in a marriage you must think about your spouse before yourself. Infact isn't that the way we are always supposed to live? To treat others the way we would like to be treated. I think this is something God has really pushed on me hard. I always try to look at things from the other person's eyes and put myself in their shoes.

I've been through many trials in my life, but the last 5 years seem to be the most trying. My husband started to have pains right after we got married. He is a Marine, so he wasn't going to tell anyone about these pains because he didn't want to look weak. (yeah right like a 6'4" 200 lbs. Marine can look weak) After months of telling the Marine Corps that something was seriously wrong, yelling at comands, writing the President of the United States, Jimmy finally got medical treatment. And guess what....something was seriously wrong! He had a problem that made him infertial, and caused him great pain. He had surgery and 3 months later was shipped overseas! He spent 6 months serving overseas before coming home. Do you want a real test of your marriage?? Send your spouse to a combat zone for 6 months, waking up everyday hoping that your spouse is doing the same! After his deployment we started infertility testing, and we got the results around November of 2006.....because it took the Marine Corps so long to realize the problem my husband was now infertial and the only possiblity of us ever having kids would be to do invetrofertilization. However, it would be slim picking and we probably wouldn't get pregnant. How do you, at age 21 & 22, deal with the reality that you will never be able to have kids naturally? And on top of that, just two years prior you gave your perfectly healthy baby boy up for adoption when you could have kept him! My answer at the time was to get angry and upset and to cry, cry alot!

In December '06 we found out that Jimmy would be shipped out again in February for 7 months to Iraq. With the Marine Corps you typically have around 6 months of intense training before you deploy to prepare. Jimmy had 3 months to fit in 6 months of training, so I didn't see him very much. He was scheduled to leave on Febraury 20, 2007, he came home from a 2 week long training mission on the 13th and said that the deployment was cancelled! Yeah! You would think that I was instantly happy, my husband was not going back to war and would be home for the remainder of his term out of harms way, but I was upset. I just spent 3 months of preparing myself to not see my husband for 7 months, I got the house ready for him to be gone, I got mentally ready for the worse to happen and now nothing was happening. My husband was coming home every night. It's a little bit of an adjustment.

In April '07 we said goodbye to all of our really good friends, whose deployment was not cancelled! It wasn't until summer came around that Jimmy and I really started talking about our inability to have children. At this time my answer changed from crying to relying on God. We knew that everything happens for a reason and that for some reason God didn't want us to have children right now. We were bummed, but we were learning to deal with it. And then we had to make the desion to re-enlist in the Marine Corps or get out, and if we were getting out do we stay in California or do we move back to Indiana. Decisions decisions, and they weren't easy decisions! So we decided that we would get out of the Marine Corps and purchase a new townhouse/condo and stay in sunny southern California.